


How?

by teletablechair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teletablechair/pseuds/teletablechair
Summary: After the war, Draco returns to Hogwarts for another year, and this is the story of how he copes (badly) with the aftermath of it all.DON'T READ IF WILL TRIGGER.(eating disorder, mainly anorexia, coping methods etc)





	1. I'll be good

**Author's Note:**

> A developing story that still isn't clear on the direction or even the genre tbh. I also haven't decide if i want to make this a Drarry pairing or a Dramione one.

The lights are too bright, laughter too loud, Hogwarts reeks of Happiness. Why were they so happy? More so, how are they so happy. It is like everyone is over-compensating after the war. Laughing when there wasn't anything remotely funny, cheering at the most mundane of things. Is it normal? Must everyone be joyful for no reason now that the war was over? If so, Draco didn't and had no intention to join in.  
Draco's mind swirl in those thoughts as he chats with the other year 7 Slytherins. He is aware of the eyes on him, the younger Slytherins, students from other houses and professors. He will not crack, no, he will not emit so much as a whiff of emotion. No, he must keep the Malfoy's name as clean as possible, after all the war has put their reputation in the mud, he must hold his family's name high so that no one could smear them anymore. So he puts on his front, talking louder than before, smiling and laughing, making his voice heard and presence seen, making sure that everyone knows that the prince of Slytherin has not broken under the pressure and that he is back. That he is strong. That he will once again be perfect. 'I'll be good.' - he thought to himself.  
"What's he doing back here? After all he has done." Draco hears the voice clearly even through his own conversation with the other Slytherin students, he tries not to let his body freeze up and instead focused to appear nonchalant and continue his conversation. 'Ginny Weasley', he thought in the back of his mind. 'What was he doing back here?', he asked himself that too.  
*  
Draco didn't waste a moment. On top of preparing for his upcoming N.E.W.T examinations, with his professors 'suggestions', he took up the position of Head Prefect again. "Use this as a chance at redemption for your actions and perhaps teach your housemates the right and true meaning of being a Slytherin." Draco laughed internally when Snape told him of his duties. 'The meaning of being a Slytherin? That's funny. What is the meaning of this? Pointless, all of this is painfully pointless.' Draco noted to himself as he nods blankly in response to his Professor's words.  
Determined to exhaust himself so that he didn't have time or energy to think or feel (about his past or his future), he signed up for the Slytherin Quidditch team as well and thus devoted every waking moment to all his duties and activities. Yet when it is past 2 am and he is staring at the ceiling of his dorm room, physically and mentally exhausted wondering why the hell couldn't he just fall asleep (deep down he knew that he was afraid and tired of the nightmares that plagued him on nights he actually slept.) For the thousand time that day he questioned himself, 'is being here worth it?'  
*  
"Oi Draco get up its breakfast ti-oh you're up, bloody hell you look terrible", Blaise commented with a concerned tone.  
"I'll skip breakfast today, think I will sleep in", at the back of Draco's mind he chuckles at his own lie, he hasn't slept for days and doubts he will be able to get any now.  
"But you haven't been showing up for mealtimes for so long, do you want me to bring something up for you?", Blaise asked, trying to get his friend to take care of his health. 'an aftereffect of the war' he convinces himself 'it will pass, he will become the same Draco soon enough'.  
"I'm fine, stop being dramatic and go before I have to physically make you", Draco brushes him off with a nonchalant wave of his hand. He watches Blaise linger for a second before walking out of the room.  
He is alone again. Back to his thoughts again. 'Potions first today. Then Charms, got to brief the other prefects as well, the library during lunchtime, quidditch training.' Before he could plan out what else he could fill his schedule up with, he heard the sound of bells ringing from a distant and was making his way to class within 15 minutes.  
He walked into class with an air of fake confidence (that he was already tired of keeping up) and sat at the last row, nearest to the door, he watched as Professor Snape turn around, "Malfoy, any particular reason why you're late?" Draco shrugs indifferently and leans on the table with his arm supporting him. Snape narrows his eyes, "very well, detention today" he said and turned around to start his teaching.

Draco tries, really tries to keep up with appearances. He behaves the way he is expected to-being rude to most & somewhat nice to others, most notably his friends. But with each passing day, he finds it harder to do it, the effort it took to be vicious and mean, the effort to speak and quite frankly the effort for every small movement is painful to exert. He finds himself outside of the persona he's supposed to be in a lot of the time before forcing himself back in. He needs to do this, needs to keep up with the behavior he had before everything fell to pieces. But from the outside eye, he just looks indifferent, not paying attention which isn't surprising, expected from the Prince Of Slytherin, disgraced after the war. Draco will not fall, certainly not now.

*

Draco believes he is nothing if he can't keep up the high standards of the Malfoys reputation, one of it being their intellect. He already failed in so many ways, he can't fail even this. So when the bell rang loud signaling the end of the last period, Draco drags himself to the Potions classroom the second time that day, preparing for the punishment from Professor Snape. He stops outside the door, readjusts his posture and opened the door into the classroom. The first thing he sees is his Professor sitting behind a large table situated at the other end of the room, a scowl on his face while he appears to be grading some papers. 'Not surprising', Draco mused to himself before clearing his throat. Snape's neck shot up and glares at the boy with platinum blond hair, "Well it seems that you are capable of being on time."

  
Draco rolled his eyes internally, Snape can really be a pain in the ass to deal with, can't he? "Yes sir, I'm truly sorry for the tardiness this morning," Draco replies in mock politeness that usually fools everyone but apparently not Snape. Professor Snape appeared bemused before he opens his mouth to give his orders, "right, copy the entire 6th year potions textbook and you'll be free to go." Draco raised his eyebrows in annoyance, "there's at least 500 pages in there," his tone clearly snappy. "Yes well, I'm worried you have forgotten the contents seeing that you were quite...busy then", Snape said amusingly.

Draco sighs loudly but did not utter a word back, he was too tired to try and fight this. He closed the door behind him and moved towards the seat nearest to the window, starting on his given assignment. Snape's eyes followed the boy's every movement while his mind puzzled at the lack of vigor in his favorite student that used to be so present. ‘Aftermath of the war’, he thought to himself. The only sound that could be heard for the next 4 hours was the scratching of the pen tip on the paper.

*

It was near midnight when Draco was making his way back to the dorm. Professor Snape kept true to his word, allowing Draco to leave only when the last dot of the page was copied onto the paper. But truth to be told, Draco didn't mind it, it allowed his mind to be free from his own thoughts for a while just concentrating on the words instead. An escape he much needed, plus it was a distraction from the hunger as well. He hated that he felt hunger, a feeling so humane and useless- a sign of weakness. How could this one feeling control his actions? To eat, to not eat? No, he was in charge, he controlled his own body. He will choose whether to eat or not and at this moment, he didn't need to eat. He's stronger than the hunger.

Snapping out of his own thoughts, he realized that 1. he was nowhere near the Slytherin dorms (no wonder it took so damn long) and 2. he was not alone in this hallway. Upon further investigation, he realized that this is the hallway to the Great Hall and this fact immediately pissed him off. How dare his subconscious bring him to a place that serves food, trying to trick him into eating? He cursed at himself inwardly before turning back to make his way to the dorms.

"Draco!" Draco stops and turns around curtly, looking for the source of the voice. He sets his eyes on Hermione Granger looking rather unsure at him.

"What." He said, sounding harsher than he wanted. Hermione visibly flinched and seemed to be in a dilemma of what to do or rather what to say.

"I got all night but I rather not spend it seeing you struggle to form sentences," Draco sighs and pinches his nose.

Hermione stood up straighter and spoke with newfound confidence, "I was wondering if you would like to study at the library. Together. Sometime."

"Why?" Draco squints his eyes. Signaling her to elaborate. "Well its just that.. Well, it's really..erm..Well you're smart and it IS the N.E.W.Ts this year, I have to have a capable study partner and well I couldn't find anyone else." Hermione finished, decidedly satisfied with her answer.

Draco scoffs, "Well let me thank the Golden Girl for her compliment but I'm not interested so maybe you can find the-boy-who-saved-the-world instead", walking away before Hermione could get another word in. Hermione fucking Granger is taking a piss out of him now too? A great day indeed. He thought.

*

Draco falls onto his bed well past midnight and despite the tiredness of the long day, he laid still unable to sleep. Tossing and turning and trying every method he has come to know, counting sheep, counting numbers, singing lullaby which proves to unsettle him more, a routine he has come to repeat every night now before slowly he sees the darkness breaks and dawn comes.

He closes his eyes and let them rest, if not his mind then at least his eyes. Only opening them again when he hears Blaise make his way to the bathroom, he is grateful to be a 7th year as it means that only 2 students share one room-a vast improvement to the overcrowded rooms when they were in their younger years. He sits up at the edge of his bed and starts preparing for classes with subtle tremble that he forces still.

"Good to see you're awake for a change", Blaise comments jokingly after exiting from the bathroom.

"Blaise, do me a favor and fuck off", Draco looks Blaise straight in the eye pretending to look serious and angry. The two locked eyes for 2 seconds before both burst into laughter.

"Alright alright, sorry to offend the Prince," Blaise raises both arms as a sign of surrender as Draco shakes his head and continues packing for his day ahead.

Draco might not say it out loud (and probably would never even if someone held a knife to him) but he truly appreciated and consider Blaise his best friend. The two came from similar backgrounds and have been through a lot (although not the same but everyone has their own trauma to deal with), from years of friendship they have come to understand each other without a word being uttered. Draco knew that Blaise knew something was up with him, both of them knew, but he was glad that his friend did not pry and was just waiting for Draco to confess to him on his own (even though Draco highly doubts that he would do that).

"In all seriousness, we have to go now or we'll be late for class and I for one am not getting detention like you", Blaise points an accusing finger at Draco and picks up his bag. Draco rolls his eyes at Blaise before following him out the door.

*


	2. He's In Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter is kinda messy and comes from no solid idea or ending, just a form of release, but i'll try to make it still relevant to the story in the long run. Give ideas and comments on how you want the plot to progress and i might do that when i have no idea what to write.

Draco wants to say he has no idea how he ended up here, he wishes so badly to say it and mean it but the truth is right now he knows damn well how he ended up gorging his face with an obscene amount of food in the Great Hall at dinnertime. He lost control. It was as simple as that and his mind is screaming at him, thousands of thoughts shooting at him all at once until the only way to block out all the noise is to eat. Eat, eat, eat more. He felt the slight uncomfortableness of being full 10 minutes ago but now his stomach was stretched to a painful degree that every slight movement puts him in aching pain yet he does not stop, he keeps eating. The people who were initially shocked that 'Draco Malfoy is actually eating today' have brushed the topic off and resumed to their mealtime chitchat. Draco wanted to stop, he wanted to stop eating so bad but he's no longer the one in control but rather sitting on a sideline while his body commits actions that he does not approve of. Trapped in the despair of the whole situation, he recalls what set him off. 

"Let me guess, you're not hungry today either?" Blaise asked rhetorically. Draco contemplated for a split second in his mind, arguing to tell his friend that he was starving and wished to eat a whole damn cow if possible or lie and say he isn't hungry today. He decided on the latter without much fight, as natural as second nature. 

Blaise looks disappointed with his reply but nods understandingly before turning to take his seat at the Great Hall, making sure to leave a space for Draco even if he already declined to eat. It wasn't about losing weight, it was about control, yet when he notices the gesture by Blaise, a voice in Draco's head went off, 'so much space, even he can see you're fat'. Taking a seat at the spot still puzzled by this irrational thought ( _is it irrational or actually the truth? It is the truth. That's why Draco always hated looking into the mirror, it reminded him of his flaws, fat was one of it as well. He could always see it but now so even more clearly than before),_ he lets his arm support the weight of his head as he slips deeper into his own world of ugly words and the constant reminder of failure. 

His attention was only brought back to reality when he senses a weight on his right shoulder, turning his head to look for the source he sees a stern wrinkled face looking down on him. "Where is your meal, Draco?" Professor Mcgonagall asked, sounding more like an accusation than an inquiry to Draco. Before Draco could say anything, someone from the other side of the room shouted, "Boy doesn't eat! On a diet or something like that I bet. Real  _scared_ of getting fat!" 

The Hall went silent that very moment as everyone's attention became simultaneously focused at Draco and the source of the unwanted remark.  _(after the ordeal and when his mind returned to semi clarity, Draco realized that the voice belonged to some nameless and faceless 3rd year in Gryffindor that he never bothered to spend the energy on getting to know.)_ In that short window frame, the intense anger that Draco believed that he had lost during the war came flaring back, he sat up and started filling his plate full of food with precise and big movement, making it seen that he was grabbing the biggest piece of chicken thigh, a huge scoop of mashed potatoes, stacking pieces after pieces of bread and doing it all with the most composed facial expression and behaviour he ever conjured.  _No way was he going to let someone think anything is wrong with him. No way was he going to let the Malfoy's reputation be tarnished by him, his inadequate self. He refuses to be exposed of his weakness to_  outsiders. _He will uphold the pride that comes with being a Malfoy and a Slytherin._

Thus, after the shock of the moment has passed and the room has returned to normalcy, the anger high that Draco was riding on came crashing down and the anger directed at everyone else became directed only on himself. The guilt hit him hard, every mouthful triggered another thought in his mind, jabs at his insecurities, as he ate on, Draco felt more and more disconnected from reality, he feels his hands moving to put food into his mouth and his jaws work to break apart the food, repeating the series of motions plate after plate. He panics and screams in his mind 'Stop!' yet his body does not listen to him. Draco vaguely notices Professor Mcgonagall glancing at him from time to time from the Teacher's Table while Professor Snape openly studies his behavior  _(he doesn't want to think of the conversation that the Professor would bound to have with him about his abnormal attitude.)_

When Draco regains his mind and body again, he had already finished 3 plates of food. He turns his head towards his side and sees a concerned Blaise looking at him, reading Blaise's lips through his messy mind, he makes out what he is saying, "are you alright? don't be bothered by them yeah?"

Draco managed a weak smile before turning back to look at his plate, mind already discarded the comment made and only focusing on the problem at hand. 'Too much food, how many calories is that? How will I get rid of it? Exercise, 3 hours, no, not enough, 5 hours?' He can fix this, must fix this. How will he fix this? 

Control. He needs control, no fuck that, He is In Control. No food for 4 days at least. Draco excuse himself from the worried eyes of Blaise and even Pansy  _(dear old Pansy who is always playful and fun, who barely knows how to be serious, even she.)_ at the table and brings his sickly full self to the training grounds, determined to exercise as much as possible before curfews. 

The next day is a good day, a high day, it is visible that Draco had more energy, he was practically always moving, not a second to rest, even while sitting down he bounces his legs up and down. Seeing his friend in such high spirits, Blaise was elated, ‘he’s getting better’ he thought, did not need to be careful around his friend today.  Blaise told more jokes and fooled around almost without any restrains while Draco laughed and responded, his reactions not entirely sincere, Blaise could see under the little cracks of his facade but it’s okay, it’s an improvement, he’ll take whatever he can get. 

Draco’s mind barely focused on the anything else except the food inside him and how he could burn it off. Fidgeting kills calories, not much, not even significant but it’s something. Being active kills calories, he’ll be active, maybe walk around the school grounds a few more time between classes. Theres so much to do, kill the calories, kill kill kill. Die. 

That’s right, he must laugh now, an appropriate respond regarding how the Charms professor ‘can kiss my ass’ according to Blaise. 

This became something of a norm for the new few days and everyday the fake happiness Draco wore turn a bit more real. ‘Another day of killing those calories, another day of not eating’. He feels the energy he had before was depleting and noticed he became tired all the time again but he felt more accomplished every passing day knowing he is in control again. A high he rode on. All this went on as a pair of worried and watchful eyes of Hermione Granger from across the room followed. 

Everything went as routine, the next lesson being ‘Defense Against The Dark Arts’, Draco made his way through the corridor with Blaise and Pansy at side chatting about trivia while he nods and pretends to listen. He sees the stream of students disappearing into the destinated classroom and follows the crowd. Inside the room, they take their usual seats 2 rows from the back and prepared for class to begin, everything was set before something broke the usual routine of motions. ‘Im sitting here.’ A voice spoke and Draco felt his shoulders being pushed to make space, he looks up to find Hermione making space for herself to sit. After settling down, she set her books straight and looked straight ahead, all while 3 vastly different faces (and facial expressions) stared at her. Blaise’s jaw dropped and he looked absolutely stunned at what just happened (mirroring the rest of the class) while Pansy gave a smug smile, Draco hid his surprise under a mask of indifference, only the slight twitch of his left eye expressing annoyance. Class went by as usual except with another presence looking over to Draco every once in a while studying his notes and making casual comments saying ‘you understood that fast’, ‘nice work’ and one phrase that was thrown out more often than others, ‘let’s study together’, all which Draco gave prompt and short replies and even ignore all together. 

Class ended with loud complains and groans of the unending amount of work being shoved to them while packing up to leave the location. 

‘I don’t get the complains really, it’s a lot of work but it will be so helpful for our N.E.W.Ts!’ Hermione said excitably. 

‘What’s it to you?’ Draco asked incredulous. 

Feidging innocent, Hermione replied, ‘What do you mean?’ 

Draco looks Hermione flatly in the eyes as if saying ‘cut the bullshit’. 

Hermione sighed, ‘let’s study together Draco’ 

Standing up with books in his arms, Draco gives a curt ‘no’ before pushing past her, leaving a resigned Hermione behind. 

Draco wonders what is it that the golden girl wanted from him, what is her motive, and why can’t she just leave him the fuck alone before briefly decided to be more rude towards her, ‘she’ll give up', he convinces himself.


	3. Together

"Let's study together."

Upon hearing that Draco's eyes twitched as he suppresses the incredibly strong urge to sigh loudly and roll his eyes at the source of the voice, Hermione Granger. It felt like the thousandth time that she has been repeating that phrase to him just that week alone. He had been steadily ignoring her requests and interactions but its Thursday and frankly he is getting really sick of it now. So is that moment of weakness (or resignation) he says with the most exasperated tone he could manage, "For the love of God, fine, yes, take a god damn seat at this table in this huge library among so many other tables because you just want to get on my nerve, take a seat Miss Granger." 

Hermione smiles, obviously delighted at her victory against the stubborn blond boy. She takes a seat opposite Draco, 'Alone with his books again.' She thinks before attempting to start a conversation. "Where are your friends?" 

Draco looks up from his books and raises an eyebrow at her. She tries to clarify the question and not let the situation turn awkward. "Erm Blaise I meant. Or Pansy, they are your closest friends it would seem, no?" She smiles after asking politely. 

"Hmm, at Quidditch practice I would suppose." Draco replies, appearing distracted by his books. 

'Tough nut to crack', Hermione thought sulky to herself but decided against giving up on being Draco's friend. 'That's step one.' She clears her throat and continued, "aren't you in the Quidditch team as well?" 

"Yes, but I am too advanced and talented in my position so I don't have to work as hard as the others you see, a prodigy." Draco says sarcastically, appearing cocky and confident, seeing Hermione roll her eyes in response, he knows he has achieved that. The truth is, well the truth is pathetic and he is so used to lying he doesn't see the need to tell the truth to anyone anymore. So he lies, it seems like as much fun he can get these days. 

Hermione doesn't say another word and they settle into silence and slog away at their books until it was past 9 o'clock. 

Hermione's eyes were sore and even after she closes her eyes she sees words floating around, looking up for a distraction, what she witness caught her off-guard. Books piled up on both side to block others but Hermione from the sight, a sleeping Draco Malfoy using his Charms textbook as a makeshift pillow. Hermione's lips turn upwards into a smile. 'He looks nicer asleep, without that scowl and resting bitch face, almost charming one would dare say,' she ponders to herself. She casted a spell for her quill pen to rise from the table and draw the scene, 'A fond memory to reflect back on one day, hopefully.' 

It is almost 11 o'clock when Draco woke from his slumber, rubbing his eyes and regaining composure. Hermione holds back a chuckle as she notices the boy appearing embarrassed for letting her witness him sleeping, she feigned ignorance when she notices Draco looking up at her a few times.  

"Still here." A statement that Hermione chose to take it as a question instead. After waiting a moment to appear lost in her books, she raises her head, "Huh? Oh my, I completely lost track of the time." 

Draco rubs his right eye and says softly, voice still deep with sleep, "I'm heading back, don't want to spent my time being punished by Snape for missing the Curfew instead," he paused for a second, "I suggest you do the same, Golden Girl", he adds teasingly. 

Hermione nods in responds and the two pack up their belongings, leaving for their dorms a few moments later. 

The hallways are dark and abandoned at this timing, the pair walked in silence trying to make as little noise as possible to not attract any attention. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco encounters not so nice schoolmates

It has been 2 weeks since Draco & Hermione started their arrangement of studying together in the library after classes and as much as Draco would hate to admit it, he didn't mind the company, Hermione was smarter than the ordinary student and can hold intelligent conversations (and mostly banter) without getting offended. Although he does hate that she tends to ask difficult & personal questions that he does not wish to answer. 

"I have to leave early today", Draco looks up from his books to the source of that voice, "It's Ginny's birthday and we're going to go into town for a drink." Hermione smiles at Draco. Taking the chance to tease her, "I didn't ask, did I?" Draco adds in a cocky tone. Hermione rolls her eyes but the smile still on her lips, she packs up before saying, "Don't stay too late unless you want to get punished." Draco waves her away but before 8 pm that night, he closes his books and is making his way out of the library. 

He walks deliberately slow back to his dorm room because although he listened to Hermione, the truth is he rather not face whatever is waiting for him back in the room whether it be Blaise's suffocating questions & concern or his own torturing mind. So he makes sure to take his time & stop by the toilet in the furthest block from the Slytherin dorm, which he didn't think much of until, well until now. 

"What's the Slytherin prince doing in the North wing eh?", a voice cuts through the silence of the toilet. Draco looks up from washing his hands in the sink and his brain register the face, Alex Gurmound. One of the few pureblood in Ravenclaw, the captain of their Quidditch team, a rather muscly guy for his age and most important of all, a complete asshole. Draco did not have a filter in his mind, he knew he was an asshole & many other things with equal or stronger derogatory terms but Alex Gurmound is one complete asshole that he rather not ever come in contact with. "Take a guess, starting with where we are", Draco says in the most nonchalant tone he could manage. 

Alex chuckles, "So why haven't you been at training?" 

"Why? Did you miss me?", Draco asks sarcastically. 

"Yes, of course, I was hoping I could beat you up." Alex smiles cruelly at Draco.

Draco sighs and turns around to face Alex, "You could try Alex, you could try." Draco may be much weaker now than before due to circumstances but he still had a chance against Alex.

"Draco, you know what's great about a sports team?" Alex's smile grew wider, "They tend to go places together, especially after practice."

Draco rolls his eyes as he sees the Ravenclaw players enter the toilet behind Alex, "Wow fantastic, you brought your chihuahuas?" 

Alex laughs and charges forward at Draco, who mirrored Alex's movement, stopping him at his tracks. Alex smirks but before Draco could question the meaning behind it, he felt his body's gravity changing & a sharp pain at the back of his skull. It took a few moments for Draco to register that one of them has struck him from behind. Laughter rang through the toilet and Draco's groggy head, he opens his eyes with much force as sees that he is surrounded by the Ravenclaws, 'definitely overestimated myself, Draco fucking Malfoy.' Without as much as a warning, the kicks & hits came from all directions. 

And just while Draco is getting numb from the hits, he is shoved into the ceramic wall with great force, waking his body up to a new level of pain. He closes his eyes and grunts in pain, the only sound he made so far, unwilling to give them the satisfaction of his pain. He hears Alex chuckle. He feels hands on his neck and the airway is cut as those hands tighten, he gasps for air while suppressing his own hands from moving. He will not beg anyone for his life, not anymore, he would rather die. 

"You think you're so fucking great right? I can kill you here Draco, here & NOW! You're weak, you're fucking nothing. You don't deserve to be called a Slytherin prince, a PUREBLOOD prince, you disgust me." Alex spats at him before those hands are suddenly removed & he falls to the ground. 

Draco coughs in pain & blood and managed to form a sentence, "Still upset about not getting into Slytherin huh?", his tone mocking. 

Draco knew that it wasn't smart to engage your attacker but he couldn't stop himself, and thus he felt Alex's leather shoe connect with his face before he passed out in pain. When he woke to, the toilet was empty & much colder. The excruciating pain and soreness hit him before long and on reflexes, tears are formed and his breathing increases while he experiences waves after waves of pain.  With much effort (and some time), Draco manages to first sit up, then while shaking, stand up & make his way wobbly and slowly out of the toilet. He crunches over in pain while he walks, midst it all he cracks a smile, laughing at himself and the situation. 

It feels like an hour or more passed before he saw the familiar hallways and doors, 'I'm near if I'm not hallucinating.'

"You. Stop!" A voice strong & loud from behind Draco and he stops in his tracks, 'My luck, what's next? I win the fucking lottery? '

Footsteps approach Draco & he tries his best to listen and register the person's words.

"What is a student doing out in the hallways at 1 am? You better have a great reason or else-", the voice directly beside Draco now. 

"Drac-co?", the tone suddenly changes into one of worry (and a little fear). 

Draco looks up and blinks away the blood in his eyes, seeing a familiar face, Professor McGonagall. Draco musters a smile and says, "Ah yes, I apologise for being out past curfew, I'll show up for detention tomorrow but if you don't mind, I'll head back to my dorm now, I'm kind of tired", he whispers in the end, it's too much effort to talk.

"What? Draco! Oh we have to get you in the infirmary!", Professor McGonagall exclaims. 

Draco coughs before insisting he's fine but feels his mind go blank and registers his face come into contact with a hard surface. The stone floors most likely. 

-

The first thing Draco felt when he came to his senses is a dull headache at the back of his head, then came the soreness throughout his body and the overpowering smell of alcohol disinfectant accompanied by distant voices so soft that he can't be sure it isn't his imagination. He opens his eyes with a great effort, staring into dark space before his eyes adjust to the room. He tries not to wince in pain when he turned his head to study the surroundings. Apart from Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and a girl who seems to be knocked out on one of the beds, the infirmary is deserted. Draco did not have time to inspect anything else as a wave of tiredness washed over him and he was back asleep before he knew it. 

When he awoke next it is because of the blinding light pricking into his eyes forcing him to end his slumber. This time when he opened his eyes he clearly sees that he has company. 

"Good you're awake, I suppose you must have a splitting headache you did suffer a concussion", Professor McGonagall said matter-of-factly. Draco decided against responding and instead focused on his swelling tongue. Professor McGonagall exchange looks with Professor Snape before settling their eyes on the boy who is staring into space.

Professor McGonagall clears her throat before switching to a gentler tone, "Now, Draco we need you to tell us what happened yesterday, are you able to do that?"

Draco rolls his eyes which he then instantly regret as it worsens his already unbearable headache. "No, I don't think I remember much as you said I've suffered a concussion." He manages the softest tone he could. 

"Stop being so difficult boy!", Snape roars clearly angered (and worried). Draco winces at the volume but refuses to answer. He could spill on the Ravenclaws and get them punished but what would be the point? He didn't even have the energy to be angry or any emotion except tired. To him, everything is either pointless or even more pointless, he sees no need for any actions to be taken. So after 30 minutes of both professors trying to get something out of Draco & him keeping up his silent game, the adults finally left the room for Draco to rest, "This conversation will be continued." 

- 

Hermione is pissed. Dishearten mostly but still sort of pissed. She has been in the library since lessons were over and in that 5 hours since then she has not even seen the shadow of the platinum blond boy. Sure they hadn't made a verbal agreement to meet in the library daily but she thought it was already established! "Doesn't even have the courtesy to inform me he isn't going to show up! I should have known, he's an asshole!" Hermione whispers angrily to herself. 'I mean he's been a prick for 6 years, why would he suddenly change', she huffs. 

"Hey, Hermione-" "WHAT" "It's dinner time, do you want to come?" "Yes yes, sorry I was too wrapped up in my thoughts." "It's okay, I know" "Thanks Ginny" "No Malfoy today?" "Mm" Hermione is always grateful for Ginny and that she understands when to give her silence, something the boys were unable to.  As the girls make their way to the Great Hall, Hermione can't help but hope to catch sight of a certain Slytherin, although she would still be angry, yes angry but still excited, she could confront him and give him a piece of her mind for ditching her, or ignore him the whole time in a passive attempt to show her anger. 

She sat down at her usual spot near the back of the Gryffindor row and waited but when the students have all taken their seats and dinner begun, the person of interest still did not show up. With a resigned sigh, she finally turns back to her own food and tried to immerse herself back into the conversation her group of friends is having. 

 

 

 


	5. Writer's Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Give me ideas & inspirations!!

hello, I've put this story on hold for too long and now am lost on how to continue this story, please give some opinions on how it should continue!! I started writing this story with my own experiences and i'm so happy that people actually read & liked it so now I want to continue writing it for y'all and myself as well. that's it lol bye guys


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